Social and Emotional Learning (SEL): Skills, Benefits & Activities for Children

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) helps children develop practical skills for understanding emotions, managing behavior, building relationships, communicating effectively, solving problems, and making responsible decisions. These abilities influence how children participate in classrooms, interact with peers, respond to challenges, and handle everyday situations.

For parents, teachers, and caregivers, SEL provides a structured way to support skills that children develop naturally through relationships and experiences. It can also be intentionally included in classroom activities, family routines, play, discussions, storytelling, group work, and problem-solving exercises.

SEL is related to social and emotional development, but the two terms are not identical. Social and emotional development describes the broader developmental process. Social and emotional learning focuses on intentional opportunities through which children learn, practice, apply, and strengthen social and emotional competencies.

This distinction is particularly important for parents and educators who want practical strategies rather than another general explanation of child development.

What Is Social and Emotional Learning (SEL)?

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is the process through which children and adults develop and apply knowledge, skills, and attitudes related to emotional understanding, self-management, empathy, relationships, goals, and responsible decision-making.

The widely used CASEL framework identifies five interconnected SEL competencies:

1. Self-awareness
2. Self-management
3. Social awareness
4. Relationship skills
5. Responsible decision-making

CASEL describes SEL as something that can be supported across classrooms, schools, homes, and communities rather than being restricted to a single lesson or subject.

Parents who want the broader developmental foundation can also read What Is Social and Emotional Development?, which covers the developmental process, stages, factors, examples, and related skills.

SEL is not simply asking children to “be nice” or “control their emotions.” Effective SEL gives children opportunities to understand what they are experiencing, practice appropriate responses, consider other perspectives, communicate their needs, cooperate with others, and make thoughtful choices.

Social and Emotional Learning vs. Social and Emotional Development

The terms are closely connected, but using them interchangeably can create confusion.

Social and emotional development describes how a child’s social and emotional abilities change as the child grows. Emotional expression, self-regulation, empathy, communication, friendships, independence, and perspective-taking are examples of developmental areas.

Social and emotional learning refers to intentional teaching and learning experiences that help children develop and apply these abilities.

For example, a preschool child may naturally begin recognizing that another child is sad. A teacher who uses a story, discussion, role-play, and guided activity to help children identify feelings and respond appropriately is intentionally creating an SEL opportunity.

A useful way to remember the difference is:

Development = the broader process of growth.

SEL = intentional learning and practice that supports social and emotional competencies.

This distinction helps prevent this article from overlapping with a general resource about Why Social and Emotional Development Matters. That article focuses primarily on importance and benefits, while this guide focuses on SEL as a practical learning framework.

Why Is Social and Emotional Learning Important for Children?

Children use social and emotional skills throughout the day.

A child needs self-management when waiting for a turn. A student needs communication skills when asking a teacher for help. A child needs social awareness when noticing that a classmate feels uncomfortable. A young person needs responsible decision-making when considering the consequences of an action.

SEL can give children structured opportunities to practice these abilities.

CASEL notes that SEL is associated with learning, relationships, academic experiences, and broader development. Its framework emphasizes coordinated support across school, family, and community settings.

SEL is valuable because children do not learn social and emotional skills only through explanations. They learn through repeated practice.

A child may understand that shouting is inappropriate but still struggle to respond calmly when frustrated. SEL activities can provide opportunities to identify the emotion, understand the situation, practice alternative responses, and reflect on what happened.

This makes SEL practical rather than purely theoretical.

The Five Core Competencies of Social and Emotional Learning

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness involves understanding one’s emotions, thoughts, values, strengths, limitations, and reactions.

For children, self-awareness can begin with simple emotional recognition.

A young child may learn to identify:

• Happy
• Sad
• Angry
• Worried
• Excited
• Frustrated
• Afraid
• Calm

As children become older, self-awareness can become more detailed. They may recognize what situations trigger frustration, what activities make them feel confident, when they need help, and how their emotions influence their behavior.

Examples of SEL activities for self-awareness include emotion charts, feelings journals, story discussions, and simple questions such as:

“What are you feeling?”

“What happened before you felt this way?”

“What do you need right now?”

The purpose is not to force children to explain every emotion. The purpose is to give them language and opportunities to understand their internal experiences.

2. Self-Management

Self-management involves managing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that are appropriate for the situation.

Children develop this ability gradually. A preschooler cannot reasonably be expected to regulate emotions like an adolescent.

Self-management can include:

• Managing frustration
• Waiting for a turn
• Controlling impulses
• Staying focused on a task
• Coping with disappointment
• Using calming strategies
• Setting simple goals
• Asking for help
• Returning to a task after making a mistake

A teacher might help students practice self-management by teaching them to pause before responding during a disagreement.

Parents can support the same skill at home by helping children identify what they can do when they become frustrated.

SEL does not mean teaching children to suppress emotions. Anger, sadness, fear, and disappointment remain normal emotions. The learning goal is to develop healthier ways of recognizing and responding to those emotions.

3. Social Awareness

Social awareness involves understanding other people’s feelings, perspectives, experiences, and needs.

Empathy is an important part of this competency.

Children can practice social awareness by discussing questions such as:

“How do you think the character feels?”

“What might your friend be thinking?”

“Why might two people see the same situation differently?”

“What could you do if someone feels left out?”

Storytelling is particularly useful because children can examine situations without being personally involved in the conflict.

Social awareness also requires respect for differences. Children interact with people who may have different personalities, cultures, family experiences, abilities, communication styles, and perspectives.

CASEL includes understanding and empathizing with people from different backgrounds and contexts within its social-awareness competency.

4. Relationship Skills

Relationship skills help children communicate, cooperate, listen, resolve disagreements, work with others, and seek or offer help.

Children practice these skills through:

• Group activities
• Cooperative games
• Classroom projects
• Family responsibilities
• Team sports
• Pretend play
• Peer conversations
• Conflict-resolution exercises

Relationship skills do not mean avoiding every disagreement.

Children need opportunities to learn how to disagree respectfully, express boundaries, listen to another person, apologize when appropriate, negotiate, compromise, and repair relationships.

A classroom SEL activity might involve two students acting out a disagreement over a toy or classroom resource. The children can practice describing the problem, listening to each other, suggesting solutions, and choosing a fair response.

CASEL identifies communication, active listening, cooperation, collaborative problem-solving, negotiation, conflict management, and help-seeking as elements of relationship skills.

5. Responsible Decision-Making

Responsible decision-making involves considering safety, ethics, consequences, social expectations, and the wellbeing of oneself and others.

Young children can practice this through simple choices.

For example:

“Should I grab the toy or ask for a turn?”

“What could happen if I push someone?”

“What can I do if I am angry?”

Older children can consider more complicated situations involving friendships, schoolwork, online behavior, peer pressure, and personal responsibilities.

SEL activities can encourage children to pause and consider:

What happened?

What choices do I have?

What could happen after each choice?

Which choice is safe and respectful?

CASEL includes consequences, ethical standards, safety, and personal and collective wellbeing within responsible decision-making.

How Social and Emotional Learning Works in Different Age Groups

SEL should match the child’s developmental level.

SEL for Infants and Toddlers

Infants and toddlers do not need formal SEL lessons.

Their social and emotional learning happens largely through relationships, responsive interactions, imitation, communication, play, and routines.

Adults can:

• Respond consistently to children’s signals
• Name basic emotions
• Use simple language
• Provide comfort
• Model calm behavior
• Offer simple choices
• Encourage turn-taking
• Establish predictable routines

Responsive back-and-forth interaction between a child and caring adult is particularly important during early development. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child describes these interactions as “serve and return” and explains their role in building brain architecture and early social and language skills.

Parents interested in broader developmental benchmarks can also use Developmental Milestones: A Guide for Parents as a related resource. Milestones provide reference points across social, emotional, language, cognitive, and physical development.

SEL for Preschool Children

Preschool SEL can use simple and highly interactive activities.

Children can learn to:

• Name emotions
• Identify feelings in pictures
• Take turns
• Share materials
• Follow group routines
• Ask for help
• Practice simple conflict resolution
• Recognize another person’s feelings

Pretend play is particularly useful because children can practice social roles in a safe environment.

A teacher might create a pretend grocery store, doctor’s office, classroom, or family setting. Children can practice communication, cooperation, patience, problem-solving, and perspective-taking.

SEL for School-Age Children

School-age SEL can become more structured.

Children can practice:

• Goal setting
• Emotional regulation
• Teamwork
• Perspective-taking
• Conflict resolution
• Responsible choices
• Self-reflection
• Coping with disappointment
• Positive communication

Teachers can integrate SEL into academic subjects rather than treating it as a completely separate activity.

For example, a literature lesson can include discussion about characters’ emotions and decisions. A group science project can provide opportunities for teamwork and communication. A writing assignment can involve reflection on goals or challenges.

SEL for Adolescents

Adolescents face increasingly complex social and emotional situations.

SEL can support skills involving:

• Identity
• Independence
• Peer relationships
• Emotional regulation
• Decision-making
• Goal setting
• Communication
• Conflict management
• Perspective-taking
• Responsible online behavior

Adolescents can discuss realistic scenarios rather than relying only on simplified children’s activities.

A discussion about peer pressure, academic stress, social media communication, friendship conflicts, or future goals can provide meaningful opportunities for SEL.

Social and Emotional Learning Activities for Children

SEL activities work best when children actively participate rather than simply listen to a lecture.

Emotion Identification Game

Show children pictures of facial expressions or describe simple situations.

Ask:

“How might this person feel?”

“What makes you think that?”

“What could help?”

The activity develops emotional vocabulary and social awareness.

Feelings Check-In

Begin the day with a simple feelings check-in.

Children can choose a word, picture, number, or color that represents how they feel.

The goal is not to require children to disclose private information. Children can participate at a level that is appropriate for their age and comfort.

Role-Playing

Role-play can be used for situations such as:

• Asking for help
• Joining a group
• Sharing
• Handling disagreement
• Saying no respectfully
• Apologizing
• Responding to teasing
• Dealing with disappointment

Children can act out different responses and discuss which responses are safe and respectful.

Story-Based SEL

Stories provide opportunities to examine emotions and choices.

After reading a story, ask:

“What was the character feeling?”

“Why did the character react that way?”

“What other choice could the character have made?”

“How might another character see the situation?”

This activity combines literacy with social awareness and decision-making.

Cooperative Games

Games that require teamwork can develop:

• Communication
• Patience
• Listening
• Turn-taking
• Cooperation
• Problem-solving

The adult’s role is important. Instead of focusing only on winning, adults can discuss how children communicated and worked together.

Emotion Journal

Older children can keep a simple journal.

They might record:

• What happened
• What they felt
• How they responded
• What worked
• What they might try next time

Journaling should remain age-appropriate and private. It should not become a forced disclosure exercise.

Calming Strategy Practice

Children can practice simple calming strategies when they are already calm.

Examples include:

• Slow breathing
• Taking a short pause
• Counting slowly
• Stretching
• Moving to a quiet area
• Asking for adult assistance

Practicing beforehand makes it easier to remember a strategy during a difficult moment.

CASEL includes active learning approaches such as role-play, reflection, goal setting, and other practice-based strategies within SEL implementation.

How Parents Can Teach Social and Emotional Learning at Home

SEL does not have to be limited to school.

Parents can integrate social and emotional learning into ordinary family life.

Name Emotions

Use simple language to help children connect feelings with words.

“You look disappointed.”

“You seem worried about tomorrow.”

“You are excited because your friend is visiting.”

Emotion language gives children another way to communicate what they experience.

Listen Before Solving

Children sometimes need to feel heard before they are ready to discuss solutions.

Parents can listen, acknowledge the feeling, and then help the child think about what could happen next.

Listening does not mean agreeing with inappropriate behavior.

A parent can say that anger is understandable while still maintaining a boundary against hitting or insulting someone.

Model the Skills

Children observe adults.

Parents can model:

• Calm communication
• Apologizing
• Taking responsibility
• Respectful disagreement
• Asking for help
• Managing frustration
• Problem-solving

A parent who says, “I am frustrated, so I am going to take a moment before I respond,” provides a real-life example of self-management.

Parents looking for a broader resource can also explore Parenting Tips: Expert Strategies for Raising Happy and Healthy Children.

Give Age-Appropriate Choices

Simple choices allow children to practice decision-making.

“Would you like to finish your homework before dinner or after dinner?”

“Which book should we read?”

“What could you do if your friend does not want to play the same game?”

Choices should remain developmentally appropriate. Children do not need complete control to develop independence.

How Teachers Can Implement SEL in the Classroom

Teachers can make SEL part of everyday classroom culture.

A classroom can support SEL through:

• Predictable routines
• Emotion vocabulary
• Cooperative learning
• Classroom discussions
• Goal setting
• Reflection
• Conflict-resolution practice
• Peer collaboration
• Student responsibility

CASEL’s framework emphasizes SEL across classrooms, schools, families, and communities rather than treating it as a disconnected program.

Morning Check-Ins

Students can identify how they feel using a simple scale or emotion chart.

Teachers should avoid making emotional disclosure compulsory.

Classroom Agreements

Students can participate in creating age-appropriate agreements about:

• Respect
• Listening
• Turn-taking
• Safety
• Cooperation
• Conflict resolution

Participation can increase children’s understanding of why classroom expectations exist.

Cooperative Learning

Group assignments can intentionally include SEL goals.

Students can be given roles such as:

• Discussion leader
• Note-taker
• Materials manager
• Presenter
• Timekeeper

The purpose is to create structured opportunities for communication and cooperation.

Social and Emotional Learning and Academic Learning

SEL does not need to compete with academic education.

Children bring their emotional and social experiences into the classroom every day.

A student who cannot manage frustration may struggle to persist with a difficult task. A student who does not feel comfortable asking for help may remain confused. A student who struggles with group communication may find collaborative assignments difficult.

Academic activities can provide opportunities to practice SEL.

Examples include:

Reading: Discuss characters’ emotions and decisions.

Writing: Reflect on personal goals or problem-solving.

Science: Practice teamwork during experiments.

Mathematics: Develop persistence when solving challenging problems.

Physical education: Practice cooperation, sportsmanship, and handling winning or losing.

SEL becomes more meaningful when children can apply it to real situations.

Role of Relationships in Social and Emotional Learning

Relationships provide the environment in which many social and emotional skills are practiced.

Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that responsive relationships with caring adults contribute to healthy development and help build the foundation for later learning, behavior, and wellbeing.

A child does not learn relationship skills only by memorizing rules.

The child learns through repeated interactions.

A caregiver who listens teaches listening.

A teacher who handles mistakes respectfully models emotional regulation.

A parent who apologizes after losing patience demonstrates responsibility.

A classroom that allows respectful disagreement gives children opportunities to practice conflict management.

This is why SEL should be connected with the quality of relationships surrounding children.

Social and Emotional Learning and Parenting Styles

Parenting approaches can influence the environment in which children practice SEL.

A balanced approach can combine warmth, communication, expectations, and appropriate boundaries.

Parents can read Parenting Styles: Explained Types, Benefits & Best Approach for a detailed discussion of parenting approaches and their relationship with children’s emotional and social development.

SEL does not require parents to follow one rigid parenting method.

The practical goal is to create opportunities for children to:

• Express emotions
• Understand boundaries
• Practice communication
• Make age-appropriate choices
• Learn from mistakes
• Repair relationships
• Develop responsibility

How to Create an Effective SEL Environment

An effective SEL environment should be consistent, developmentally appropriate, culturally responsive, and practical.

Use Consistent Language

Parents and teachers can use similar terms for emotions, problem-solving, and relationship skills.

Children benefit when adults communicate clear expectations.

Allow Practice

Children need opportunities to practice skills repeatedly.

One discussion about empathy will not automatically produce strong empathy.

One breathing exercise will not automatically create emotional regulation.

Skills develop through repetition and real-world application.

Avoid Shame-Based Teaching

SEL should teach appropriate behavior without humiliating children.

A child who makes a poor decision can be guided to understand:

• What happened
• Who was affected
• What could be repaired
• What could be done differently

The focus is learning rather than labeling the child as “bad.”

Consider Developmental Differences

Children do not all develop social and emotional skills at the same pace.

Development can be influenced by temperament, communication abilities, environment, culture, relationships, experiences, and individual differences.

A useful Child Development Guide provides a broader overview of cognitive, physical, language, emotional, and social development.

Signs That SEL Skills Are Developing

There is no single checklist that proves a child has successful SEL development.

Age-appropriate signs may include:

• Naming emotions more accurately
• Asking for help
• Recovering from minor disappointment
• Taking turns
• Listening to others
• Showing concern for someone who is upset
• Participating in group activities
• Explaining feelings with words
• Considering consequences
• Solving simple conflicts with less adult intervention

Development should be viewed over time.

Parents and teachers should avoid judging a child’s overall social and emotional ability based on one difficult day or isolated behavior.

Common Mistakes When Teaching Social and Emotional Learning

Treating SEL as Emotional Suppression

SEL is not about making children appear calm at all times.

Children need to experience emotions. The goal is to help them recognize, express, and manage those emotions appropriately.

Expecting Adult-Level Self-Control

Young children are still developing self-regulation.

Expectations should match age and developmental ability.

Using SEL Only During Problems

SEL works better when children practice skills before difficult situations occur.

Breathing, communication, role-play, and problem-solving can be practiced during calm periods.

Making Every Activity a Lesson

Children also learn through ordinary interactions.

Play, conversations, shared tasks, stories, and relationships can all provide SEL opportunities.

Ignoring the Adult’s Behavior

Adults are models.

Children observe how adults respond to frustration, disagreements, mistakes, and stress.

When Parents Should Seek Professional Guidance

SEL strategies can support ordinary learning and development, but they are not a substitute for professional assessment.

Parents may consider discussing concerns with a pediatrician, teacher, school counselor, psychologist, or another qualified professional when difficulties with communication, relationships, emotional regulation, behavior, or everyday functioning are persistent or significantly interfere with a child’s life.

A single behavior does not establish a developmental disorder.

Professionals consider the child’s age, developmental history, environment, strengths, communication, behavior, and specific concerns.

Parents can also explore Child Psychologist: Understanding, Career Paths, and How They Help Children to understand the professional role of child psychologists.

Online educational content can provide general information but cannot diagnose an individual child.

Social and Emotional Learning at Home, School, and Community

SEL becomes stronger when children encounter similar principles in different environments.

At home, children can practice emotional communication and problem-solving.

At school, they can practice cooperation, goal setting, communication, and responsible decision-making.

In community activities, sports, clubs, and other social settings, children can apply relationship skills with different people.

CASEL’s framework specifically recognizes classrooms, schools, homes, and communities as important settings for SEL.

This approach is more sustainable than treating SEL as a weekly worksheet.

Frequently Asked Questions About Social and Emotional Learning

What is Social and Emotional Learning (SEL)?

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is an intentional process that helps children develop and apply skills related to self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationships, and responsible decision-making.

What are the five core skills of SEL?

The five core competencies identified by CASEL are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making.

Why is SEL important for children?

SEL gives children opportunities to practice skills used in communication, relationships, emotional regulation, cooperation, problem-solving, goal setting, and responsible choices.

How can parents teach SEL at home?

Parents can teach SEL through emotion vocabulary, active listening, modeling appropriate behavior, storytelling, cooperative activities, age-appropriate choices, and guided problem-solving.

How can teachers use SEL in the classroom?

Teachers can integrate SEL through classroom routines, group activities, role-play, discussions, emotional vocabulary, goal setting, reflection, cooperative learning, and conflict-resolution practice.

Is SEL the same as social and emotional development?

No. Social and emotional development describes the broader developmental process. SEL refers to intentional learning and practice designed to develop and apply social and emotional competencies.

Can SEL improve academic learning?

SEL can support skills that are relevant to classroom participation, including self-management, communication, relationships, persistence, and responsible decision-making. CASEL describes SEL as connected with academic and developmental outcomes.

At what age should SEL begin?

Social and emotional learning opportunities can begin in infancy through responsive relationships, communication, play, and emotional interaction. Formal activities should become more structured as children develop.

Does SEL mean children should never feel angry or sad?

No. SEL does not eliminate normal emotions. It helps children recognize emotions and develop increasingly appropriate ways to express and manage them.

Can parents use SEL without a school program?

Yes. Many SEL skills can be practiced through everyday family conversations, play, routines, reading, problem-solving, and relationships.

Conclusion

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) provides a practical framework for helping children develop skills they use in everyday life. Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making can be practiced through family interactions, classroom activities, play, storytelling, group work, role-play, reflection, and real-life problem-solving.

SEL is different from the broader process of social and emotional development. Development describes how these abilities grow over time, while SEL provides intentional opportunities to teach, practice, and apply them.

Parents can support SEL by naming emotions, listening, modeling healthy communication, providing appropriate choices, and helping children solve problems. Teachers can integrate SEL into classroom routines, academic activities, cooperative learning, and relationship-building.

The strongest approach does not treat SEL as a separate worksheet or a lesson that children complete once. Children need repeated opportunities to practice these skills in supportive relationships and real situations.

Responsive relationships are particularly important in early childhood. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child highlights the role of responsive adult-child interactions in building foundations for social, emotional, language, and cognitive development.

For parents and educators, the central goal is simple: give children appropriate language, guidance, practice, relationships, and opportunities to make thoughtful choices as they grow.

Recommended Resources

For authoritative information about the SEL framework, competencies, and implementation, see CASEL – What Is SEL? and CASEL’s SEL Framework.

For evidence-based information about responsive relationships and early childhood development, see Harvard Center on the Developing Child and its Serve and Return resource.